Twelve angry teens... (Sealed with a court order, Pt. III)

I grew up in a small town in Madison County in Upstate New York. Some people actually recognize the name, "Oneida," because of the silverware of the same name. Those taking notes will want to know that Oneida silver was never actually made in Oneida. The Oneida Community and the silversmithing operation they ran was actually located in the nearby town of Sherrill. (Go figure.) History is hazy as to the reasoning behind this, but my guess is that they thought "The Sherrill Community" sounded like a lesbian conclave. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.)

So, I come from a small, obscure town in New York, whose only claim to fame is a product that isn't made there. If you searched the Internet for other trivial facts about Oneida, you might stumble across something about their youth court system. Or you might not. I don't know about today, but back when I was a kid, the only way I found out it existed was when I was ordered to appear before it. I was told at the time that Oneida was one of the first places in the country to set up a court where kids tried kids, but then small towns are always claiming to be first at this or that. Nearby Canastota, NY bills itself as "Titletown USA" on signs beside the one major road into town. I doubt most people know what "Titletown" means, and I'm sure pretty much nobody cares. They could probably win an award for the nation's most undisputed claim to fame, but then they'd need a new sign.

Oneida's Youth Court served two purposes. First, it gave kids an opportunity to learn how the criminal justice system worked by actually taking part in "real" trials. (I use scare quotes around "real," because these trials were "real" trials in much the same way that a pet rock is a "real" pet.) Second, it gave local authorities a way to handle juvenile offenders who were too young or whose crimes were too silly to warrant throwing them into the actual juvenile justice system.

We were hauled into an actual courtroom, and seated at the little table where the guilty guy always squirms and looks evil on TV. After a few minutes, a chubby boy who was maybe sixteen squeaked, "All rise," which command his voice seemed more than happy to obey. We rose. Some kid who was probably taking time off from his hall monitor duties strode in wearing black robes safety-pinned at the hem so he wouldn't trip over them, and stood behind the judge's desk. Chubby squeaked, "Youth Court is now in session; the honorable Melvin "The Hammer" Thruffington, presiding." Somebody read the charges and asked us, "How do you plead?" One or both of us mumbled "guilty," managing to sound quite so.

Then Judge Melvin spoke. "By your actions in this case, did you intend any harm or threat to the victims." I assumed at the time that he meant the elderly couple who owned the garage, not the garage, windows, etc..

"Um, no."

Judge Melvin scribbled something on the pad before him. It was a legal pad, so you know it must have been something important. Then he asked, "Were your actions—specifically painting the words, "Helter Skelter," on the garage wall—meant to praise Charles Manson or his actions?"

Seriously??? I mean, if we did want to glorify Manson or follow in his footsteps or something, wouldn't breaking a few windows and smearing some corn syrup and red dye 7 on a wall be setting the bar a bit low? Can you imagine if word actually got back to Manson? "Hey Charley... some fans of yours went on a crime spree somewhere in New York." "Really? Cool! What'd they do?" ... "You're shitting me, right? Man, my followers are lame!"

"Um, no."

(Scribble...scribble...) "I hereby sentence you to four hours each, community service, to be served at a time and place to be determined later. Bailiff Skippy, escort them from the courtroom." It was upon exiting the courtroom that Jim and I had to sign a number of documents, and were told that, if we managed to stay out of trouble until our eighteenth birthday, these files would be sealed, and remain so, into perpetuity.

As for our punishment, we didn't have to wait long to find out what it was, and it will please you to know that you won't have to wait very long either.